Once I worked in a foreign-owned private company where—upon joining—I met a boss who ran wet in the breeches every time he saw me approaching. Thus he got busy 'getting rid' of me through deliberate ill-treatment such as assigning ‘pick-up’ trucks [back then SUVs were not popular company cars] to me while dishing out limousines to his kinsfolk within the organization. But, because I knew the business and white management upstairs considered me a ‘good performer’ and candidate to replace the ‘boss-of-bosses’, other and more surgical solutions had to found. Hence, the boss ‘timely surprised’ me with another ‘brand-new-second-hand' pick up truck replacement[to use his next to impossible terminology]! Naively, I took the vehicle out for a 'test drive' on the new Zalewa [Mbayani] section. I was the most educated thereafter. First, at the corner of my rear-view eye, I flittingly noticed an object chasing and overtaking my car. Second, I noticed that the flying saucer was actually a wheel that had somehow dissociated itself from the car I was driving. In a flash I remembered that shortly before the boss-of-boss had made the ceremony of 'handing it over' to me,the car had just emerged from the workshops across the parking yard. Third, I quickly switched my mind to the drama at large: then the car and me were already performing some 'Youth Week' somersaults in a ditch yonder. Some people are simply good at ways of eliminating troublesome opposition!
Yet, when shove came to push it was actually me—not the witchdoctors I regularly found late at night hanging about my darkened my office—who got rid of me from the company. I arrogantly talked myself out of a job!
The moral of the story is this: it is not necessary to go the whole hog and seek to impeach a Vice President who happens to be a senior employee in an organization. There are 'private-sector-smart' ways of doing that. Out in the private sector, in so far as you are drawing a salary, you invariably must have a ‘swipe card’: to prove attendance. But not everyone comes near the swipe machine. Also not everyone is junior enough to have to walk about with swipe cards. So—given monthly reports and management meetings can be places where lies are told with a straight face—the private sector devised other ways through which big Kahunas have to prove they deserve their hefty pay packets.
Here is how it works and can be applied elsewhere:
Instead of snatching the nation's VPs motorcade [as has been the approach so far], the strategy should actually be the other way round. Enhance the post of the VP: call it National Marketing VP [NMVP] and allocate the longest motorcade possible to that post. This should include a mobile marquee—because the NMVP will be physically camping out in the open throughout this period. Also provide an ambulance to cater for these ‘climate improvement’ times: too much sun and dangers of UV-related strokes.
Having been so well armed, then give the NMVP the second thing to be used on the nationwide sojourn I am proposing here. A prepared speech would be the best tool. Growing up I was told if one sinned, he went to a heavenly-holding cell called ‘Purgatory’. While there one said his ‘ndachimwa! ndachimwa! ndachimwa! ad infinitum’—all the time beating a fist against the chest for fifty billion times—before being released into PARADISE. The NMVP will need a prepared speech to be read—mark my word ‘READ’ [not even ad lib etc]—at every stop in those districts to be included on this must-be-done ‘National Tour’ itinerary. And every second line in the speech will require the NMVP pour praises on the boss’s wisdom to accord such a privilege: to be the first to announce the boss’ vision as well as this extended trip across Malawi and sections of the globe!
Here is the provisional NMVP itinerary; beginning at the lower tip of Malawi.
1. Nsanje
· The NMVP to READ of the decision to organize the people of Nsanje into teams. Their primary task will be to clear the ‘Namasupuni’ growth on the lower Shire River. This is in readiness for the arrival of the first ship at Nsanje Port [more details below]. The NMVP will inform the people that the ‘local authority window’ in the Local Development Fund [formerly MASAF] will pay for the full cost of such labor and sweat. Please include LDF personnel on the NMVP's entourage: to deal with sticky questions from villagers.
· But, also—because the Namasupuni is reportedly a very nutritious grass and potential animal feed—the NMVP will also READ on the decision to organize the Nsanje people into Namasupuni Harvesting Cooperatives. They will put the weed into bales and ship it inland as cattle feed: in support of the milk industry that is now reputed could fetch up to US$100 million in milk exports [the Nation 14 November 2011, p.9]. Nsanje in the mix to solve the forex scarcity problem!
· Also place in the NMVP's diplomatic bag return air tickets to Maputo. Upon arriving Blantyre, the NMVP is to head in that direction and once there READ a speech: formally requesting for a cargo ship to be dispatched to Nsanje Port!
· While in Maputo, the NMVP will also READ a speech negotiating—on behalf of all Malawians—for the long overdue extension of the western bank of the Shire River into that part of Mozambique. That area—as per the agreement between Roy Welensky and the Portuguese—already belongs to Malawi. It is critical it is done now before the Mozzies figure it out and begin to actively support the border demarcation exercise with the view to permanently annex that part of Malawi. In no uncertain tems the NMVP will READ that we exchanged that sectionwith the right for the Mozambicans to use the part of Lake Malawi around and below Likoma Islands. Now, it is the time the NMVP to READ out a demand that Malawi wants to carry through its economic development initiatives that Kamuzu had pooh-poohed for a long time. Why do we need the West Bank extension? See the NMVP's READING assignment in Chikhwawa.
2. Chikhwawa
· The NMVP to READ a speech informing the people of Chikhwawa of the decision to finally go against Kamuzu’s assessment and arguments. The NMVP will READ that the Bangula Dam—once reputed would have been twice the size of the Gezira Dam in Khartoum, Sudan—will be built using a levy from the fuel fund as well as locked up funds from the British Government. Those monies are still there and should not be linked to the 'Same Sex' issue!
· The NMVP will READ that the Bangula Dam will be built at Bangula proper with its backwaters extending as far back as Chikhwawa Boma and, during the rainy season, the waters could reach the edges of Kapichila Falls. Someone shouldn't have built that Mickey-Mouse power station there!
· The NMVP will READ that such a massive dam and lake behind will enable Malawi to generate its own national power requirements as well as surplus for export. Watch out Cabora Bassa, you have serious competition now! The electricity so generated will be used to power a massive export industrial development campaign ever seen in Africa.
· The NMVP will READ a request to the people of Chikhwawa, in the spirit of national economic liberation, to relocate to the east bank and/ or into Chapananga to make way for the dam’s backwaters.
· The NMVP will READ of the decision to establish a new Chikhwawa Boma at Chapananga and READ of the boss's promise to provide full relocation funds and compensation support. No Chinese style 'Four Gorges Dam' forced removals will be allowed here.
· Insert in the NMVP's diplomatic bag return air tickets to London. Once there, the NMVP will READ a submission asking the British to finally release the Bangula Dam funds which they dutifully and responsibly refused to surrender to one ‘Bilharzias Kamuzu’ and would have been wasted on Mickey-Mouse capital cities elsewhere.
· On the East Bank—similarly this will be the NMVP's assignment in Thyolo’s Sandama and Thekelani—the NMVP will READ a speech promising the arrival of a comprehensive irrigation project driven by water pumped from the new and state-of-the-art Bangula Dam.
· The NMVP will also READ a speech proposing that the Bangula Dam becomes a major tourist attraction—besides Lake Malawi—that would include major international water sports. This should accord bored families of foreign direct investors alternative weekend destinations and fun. Besides, if they are not into 'Sex Tourism', Majete is near by.
3. Neno
· The NMVP to READ new proposals to bring a sub-Boma to the banks of the Shire River [preferably at Zalewa or Chifunga] so that an alternative irrigation-based agricultural system will be launched for those poor people of Neno currently stuck [like rock rabbits] in the Kambilonjo Hills and cheated that real social and economic development will ever come their way.
· The NMVP to READ of the decision to extend the wheat production project on the Upper Nkulumadzi to the rest of Neno so that Malawi can become, at least, 50% self-reliant on wheat production and supply. Like the Bakhresa guy said, way back in 2004 at the Sanjika CEOs Meet [and nobody cared to listen], we could be skimping on scarce forex that way.
· The NMVP to also READ a challenge to the Neno people—that where wheat grows so too does barley. Neno must grow barley and beer hops so that Malawi’s beer contains nearly 80% local ingredients. This should address the impending challenges in terms of shortage of beer brewing materials. We have the ready-and-local answers to our economic predicament only if we are not short on action!
· The NMVP will READ of the new approach to gold mining on the Neno Hills and the substantial Lisungwi gold deposits Kamuzu kept quiet about! So who is keeping this forex from the rest of us?
· The NMVP will READ of the decision to support small scale alluvial gold panning along the Lisungwi River. [More on poorly actioned semi-precious stones when I get to the North.] World Bank: we don't need another mineral study. Let's harvest what we have now. At least that is the 'pragmatist approach' I was taught in the course 'National Development Resource Management'. I wonder if the course is still there and if it is still being taught the right way!
4. Mwanza
· The NMVP to READ of the decision to turn Mwanza into a ‘mandalena’ [mandarin?] country and link the export of these fresh Naartjies [Afrikaans version] to China, through Nsanje Port, of course.
· Also, NMVP will READ of the decision to champion for the expansion of Naartjies [Nachesi] concentrates production for the local juice industry and for export!
· The NMVP will READ of the decision to shift the sugar cane industry—currently at Nchalo in Chikhwawa—into Mwanza through smallholder growing and processing schemes.
5. Blantyre and Limbe
· The NMVP will READ a speech to all Asians—local and those sneaking into the country through sealed containers—formally rescinding the 'stupid' Kamuzu Decision to ‘remove Asians’ from all small towns and trading centers. It is time to put an end to the 'Tea Room Culture' Kamuzu and some of his still-living cronies bequeathed on an innocent Malawian countryside.
· The NMVP will ‘apologetically’ call for a new working order involving Asians actively participating in processes of revitalizing the Malawian economy. They should no longer restrict themselves to being ‘corner shop’ operators or indulging in that hanky-panky with their cousins in neighboring SADC countries [bringing in rejects and externalizing real funds]. They must join hands with well-meaning Malawians to create a genuine home-grown and alternative industrial base. We need them and such initiatives and forget about half-baked arguments that the foreign multinational corporations, in our midst, can suddenly transform into the 'exporting mechanism' that will develop Malawi and bring in the forex that they are currently externalizing in order to bring in imported consumer raw materials.
· The NMVP to READ, loud and clear, that only Asians of Malawian origin and local Malawian vendors—contrary to beliefs and actions of certain ill-informed Malawians—are the only, veritable and reliable source of entrepreneurial as well as economic growth skills that Malawi can speedily muster to resolve the unending forex shortage problems.
· The NMVP to READ, loud and clear, that Asians and Malawian vendors have a duty to embrace the opportunities that the Bangula Dam and the Nsanje Port will present. It only through them that industry can organize into ‘Korean-style Chaebols’ involved in manufacturing and export-oriented cartels. The other 'experiments' are too narrow based and booby-trapped to boomerang!
· In Blantyre, the NMVP will READ about the business opportunities the Bangula Dam, below the Chadzunda Hills, will present to business especially, the major commercial banks. The NMVP will READ of the fervent request to banks to forgo their nonsensical and feudalistic arguments that property-equals-collateral especially the land-related types. In these new times of Asset Management and Equity-lveraging land is no longer a good collateral. Therefore, the NMVP will READ a question to the banks asking the ‘what they have done with the landed property they have accepted as collateral in business deals gone sour’? Generally: nothing! Instead, repossessed estates are lying idle because banks don’t know the right end of a plough and yet they continue to insist on such collateral. Banks are all the time shooting down the very economy they need for their own growth! Wake up and smell the new coffee, guys!
· Like in Lilongwe [later], the NMVP will READ of deliberate policy towards a ‘National Savings’ scheme through 'Diaspora Home Banking Strategies' as well as using Malawi as the ‘Cayman Islands of Africa’; through innovative banking and tax haven strategies.
· In Blantyre Rural, the NMVP to READ of the YAMBAKATA [see Claude A1 Sense, July 2011] agricultural, value-addition opportunities waiting to be exploited along the banks of the Shire River and the Lunzu Plain.
6. Thyolo
· In Thyolo—particularly Sandama and Thekelani—the NMVP to READ of the Bangula dam opportunities for the cotton growing and yarn production industry that could be extended into these uplands and beyond.
· The NMVP will READ of how Sudan—before they discovered oil in now South Sudan, Darfur and other places—the Gezira Dam and the support ‘industrial engine’ around Khartoum ably sustained the Sudanese economy as a middle income country. Imagine the opportunities that the Bangula Dam—twice the size of the Gezira—will present to landlocked Malawi!
· The NMVP will READ about how, in the seventies and early eighties, Kamuzu—trained in the USA and on the banks of the Mississippi River and its elaborate irrigation competence—condemned Malawi to man-made poverty by failing to invest hard-earned peasant surpluses into an elaborate ad viable national irrigation system. The NMVP will READ of how a proposed National Irrigation Corporation [NIC]—divorced from ADMARC who wasted peasant surpluses on 'stupid' housing project like Kanjedza and Mudi—will lay out a comprehensive low-cost irrigation network throughout the country. The NMVP will READ of how the top boss has finally recognized that the 'libido-sapping' treadle pump is part of the rising the rural-divorce rate!
· The NMVP will READ how, through harvesting the waters of the Bangula Dam, the NIC will extend irrigation networks along the Limbe railway line watering projects on all sides of the Thyolo Escarpment.
· The NMVP will READ how irrigated tea projects will be organized for greater local and international exports.
· The NMVP will READ how irrigated pineapple plantations for local processing and international marketing will be developed [including into Mulanje]. Finally, Kamuzu’s mistake—building a pineapple factory without the pineapples—will be addressed!
· The NMVP will READ on how Thyolo and Luchenza—as main irrigation and rail junctions—will thrive into vibrant economic hubs, industry and value-add processing centers.
· The NMVP will READ of personal support for the Ndata University and insist it should also include a faculty on Export Horticulture Development. This would enable the industrious people of Chiradzulu to learn of better tunnel and cut flower gardening and international marketing. The NMVP will also READ of personal support for the Ndata University to establish a Vendor Entrepreneurial Development Center [VENDEC].
7. Mulanje
· In Mulanje, the NMVP will READ of the decision to exploit the bauxite on the mountain.
· Insert return air tickets to South Africa and Australia where the NMVP will READ a formal complaint and request to bauxite mining and aluminum processing corporations there: sighting the unfairness of putting Malawi’s bauxite on their ‘exploitation waiting list’. Now is time to move it up or at least assign alternative and early exploitation strategies for Malawi.
· The NMVP will take time out to visit Providence Girls Secondary School. While there the NMVP will READ of the proposed Bauxite railway line and sidings that will pass over one of the girls’ hostels! The NMVP will also READ of the citizen responsibility and warn the girls of possible HIV/Aids infections during the construction phases!
· The NMVP will also READ and encourage the people Mulanje to maximize their revenues when they sell their pure and clean water to Blantyre and the various mineral water bottling companies.
8. Chiradzulu
· The NMVP will READ of the decision to expand horticultural practices using the water system from Mulanje and/ or an extension of the Bangula Dam irrigation line from the Thyolo/ Luchenza connections.
· The NMVP will READ on how Chiradzulu people could extend this expertise to ‘cut flower’ and ‘tunnel farming’ throughout the year and offer them study bursaries at Ndata University.
9. Zomba, Machinga and Mangochi
· The NMVP will READ of the decision to set up various irrigation schemes around Lake Chilwa, the Shire River, Lake Malombe and Lake Malawi in Mangochi, Makanjila and Monkey Bay areas. The NMVP will READ of the decision to keep the Yao people busy through the digging of an irrigation canal connecting the Shire River, via Namwera, to Lake Chiuta and onwards to Lake Chilwa while ensuring a viable irrigation program develops in this region.
· The NMVP will READ will inform the Muslim people of this region that the ability of Malawi avoiding signing onto the ‘Same Sex’ bandwagon now lies in their hands. By transforming the tobacco growing areas of Namwera, Makanjila and Malindi into year-long Irish-potato-growing regions and exporting the same through Nayuchi and Nacala [to Somalia and other Islamic region] Malawi has an opportunity to avoid the ‘Same Sex Challenge’ being posed as well become less reliant on related revenues from the ‘Sex Tourism’ that drives the need for impending 'Same Sex' legislation!
· The NMVP will READ of the decision to fully develop the Liwonde International Dry Cargo Port to support exports from this region and the rest on Malawi; especially while the Mozambicans have reservations against Nsanje Port.
· The NMVP will READ of the decision to conduct feasibility studies on redesigning the Mangochi Bridge so that it can allow sea-going-size vessels to operate as far as Liwonde Barrage and open up this area to the Dar-es-Salaam corridor and the general North of Malawi.
For the sake of retaining your reading interest, let me pause here for now. In my next blog I will deal with what the NMVP will READ once in the Central and Northern Regions. The thing to note is that this kind of purgatorial pressure—besides being a cheaper process and involving less aggravation—will surely have the NMVP doing one of two things:
i. Voluntarily tender in a letter of resignation on conscientious grounds or
ii. Become the most devoted disciple; capable of serving a few more masters to come. Who knows this could also be the NMVP's manifesto for 2014 and possible national development agenda?
It is a choice that has to be made. Note that the art of passing the ball back or forcing the hand of an ‘aggrieved’ party always works better than open subterfuge.
The author can also be contacted on zivaiclaude@gmail.com
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